All the chicks liked the guitar players and the singers. My singing sounds like a brain damaged weasel on bad acid, so I figured I had to get a guitar. I found one I liked at a pawn shop, but of course I didn't have the money. I wasn't going to let that stand in my way though, I was now obsessed with a beautiful B.C. Rich. I swore I'd get it. I scanned the newspaper ads for ways to make a quick buck. The problem was I didn't want to work. A few days later my prayers were answered. A hospital was opening a sperm bank and needed donations. I went down to check it out, when I got there I discovered that every derelict in town saw the same ad. After my screening I wasn't surprised to learn my sperm wasn't worth much. I was bottom of the barrel and my sperm would be used for medical students who are learning how to keep the shit alive, fertilize fake eggs, and research. I would be paid $50.00 a pop and I was limited to three times a week. If they had allowed me to, I could have bought my guitar in one day. So as it turned out I went to the hospital Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to beat off. There were magazines in the little booths but I didn't need them. I just carried that wallet sized photo of my McDonald's girl in my pocket. The money was good and it was tempting to spend, espescially on food, but I survived on boiled pelicans, and the McDonald's dumpster. It was still taking too much time though and I wanted that guitar desperately. Come to find out luck was on my side again. The hospital paid me $750 to sign a contract stating that they could have my cadaver after I died for medical research. I made my mark and headed straight to the pawn shop. I even had a little bit of money left over. I took my new B.C. Rich out on our first date, we had dinner at Long John Silvers. The rest is history. Everybody got what they wanted, the hospital got my sperm and future corpse, I got my guitar, medical students can now make test-tube babies, and the pawnbroker got his money. My only regret is that I never saw my McDonald's girl again. Oh well, there's fast food joints all over the country, and there's chicks in every one.
So now that you know my story, buy one of my CDs you cheap bastard!
The guitar work is good. Give Me A Dollar actually has some good punk vocals in my own opinion. If you could sing like that on all songs they might sound better. I can't sing so I am in no way being a hypocrite. Government hasn't thought of a way to take away my opinion. At least not yet. One hell of a funny story. True or not, it doesn't matter. It is hilarious. I like how you put parts of it in your songs. Yes, I really did listen to all of them.